Fill up your hot cocoa, wrap up in your cozy blanket, and prepare yourself for the ultimate and best list of Christmas movie quotes a Christmas lover could ask for!
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and that entails spending time with friends, embracing holiday traditions, and having a joyful spirit. Do you know how you can encapsulate all those wonderful things in one activity? Kick it off by reading through some merry and bright Christmas movie quotes!
Movies portray a magical piece of our human experience, and that magic multiplies when Christmas is involved. We’ve carefully combed the quoting catalogs for the upmost terrific Christmas movie quotes for you to enjoy. Whether you’re trying to find a cute Christmas Instagram caption or you just want a taste of nostalgia, without further ado, let’s get to reading!
In this article
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes (1989)
If you’re searching for equally iconic and hilarious Christmas movie quotes, one of the best places to stop is in the National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation section. Reading through these Christmas movie quotes will bring you back to the gut-busting moments in Christmas Vacation, and you may just be so tickled that you’ll have to put it on for the family!
“Christmas is about resolving differences, and seeing through the petty problems of family life.”
Bethany – “Is your house on fire, Clark?”
Clark – “No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.”
“Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.”
“Clark! I don’t want to spend the Holidays dead!”
Margo – “And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?”
Todd – “I don’t know Margo!”
“I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.”
Clark – “Our holidays were always such a mess.”
Clark Sr. – “Oh, yeah.”
Clark – “How’d you get through it?”
Clark Sr. – “I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.”
“I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree!”
“Lotta sap in here! Mmm … Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.”
“Save the neck for me, Clark!”
“Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.”
“Fixed the newel post.”
Clark – “Hey, kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa’s sleigh on its way in from New York City.
Eddie – “You serious, Clark?”
“Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where’s the Tylenol?”
“They had to replace my metal plate with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.”
Clark – “‘Tis the season to be merry.”
Mary – “That’s my name.”
Clark – “No sh*t.”
“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together.”
“Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.”
“The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.”
Ellen – “Clark, I think it’d be best if everyone went home, before things get worse.”
Clark – “Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell.”
“Welcome to our home – what’s left of it.”
Rusty – “Dad, this tree won’t fit in our backyard.”
Clark – “It’s not going in the yard, Russ. It’s going in the living room.”
“I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.”
“This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye.”
“Later dudes! Let ‘er rip, hang ten!”
Clark – “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie – “Naw, I’m doing just fine, Clark.”
“And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”
Ellen – “He’s an old man. This may be his last Christmas.”
Clark – “If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas.”
Clark – “Aunt Bethany, does your cat eat jello?”
Eddie – “I don’t know about the cat, but I sure am enjoying it.”
“If that cat had nine lives, he just spent ’em all.”
Ellen – “What are you looking at?”
Clark – “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn; the clean, cool chill of the holiday air; and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.”
“Merry Christmas! Sh*tter was full!”
“You want to hurry this up, Clark? I’m freezing my baguettes off.”
Clark – “It’s a one year membership to the Jelly of the Month club.”
Eddie – “Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.”
“She wrapped up her damn cat!”
Art – “You’re goofy.”
Clark – “Don’t piss me off, Art.”
Elf (2003) Christmas Movie Quotes
Christmas isn’t quite the same without goofily quoting the movie Elf at least once! Elf is full of some of the silliest and sweetest Christmas movie quotes. With Buddy the Elf’s childlike wonder and the witty sarcasm embedded within the cheerful dialogue, these are Christmas movie quotes you don’t want to miss!
“What’s a Christmas Gram? I want one!”
“I love you. I love you! I LOVE YOU!”
“You have such a pretty face, you should be on a Christmas card!”
Emily – “So Buddy, how’d you sleep?”
Buddy – “Great! I got a full 40 minutes!”
“First off, you seem gum on the street, leave it there. It isn’t free candy.”
“I’m a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins!”
“SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA’S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!”
“I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.”
Mr. Narwhal – “Bye Buddy, hope you find your Dad.”
Buddy – “Thanks, Mr. Narwhal.”
“This place reminds me of Santa’s Workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me.”
Miles Finch – “You feeling strong, my friend? Call me elf one more time.”
Buddy – “He’s an angry elf.”
“Elves love to tell stories. I-I’ll bet you didn’t know that about elves. There’s, uh, probably a lot of things you didn’t know about elves.”
“The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.”
“I just like to smile, smiling’s my favorite.”
Emily – “You sure like sugar.”
Buddy – “Is there sugar in syrup?”
Emily – “Yes.”
Buddy – “Then yes!”
“Of course you’re not an elf. You’re six-foot-three and had a beard since you were fifteen.”
Santa – “Buddy you should know that your Father, he’s on the naughty list.”
Buddy – “NOOOO!”
“You did it! Congratulations! “World’s Best Cup of Coffee.” Great job, everybody. It’s great to meet you.”
Jovie – “Are you sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was naked in the shower?”
Buddy – “I didn’t know you were naked.”
“Have you seen these toilets? They’re GINORMOUS!”
“My finger has a heartbeat.”
“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.”
Carolyn – “Your costume is pretty.”
Buddy – “It’s not a costume. I’m an elf. Well, technically, I’m a human, but I was raised by elves.”
Carolyn – “I’m a human, raised by humans.”
“I’m sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR.”
“I think you’re really beautiful and I feel really warm when I’m around you and my tongue swells up.”
“Don’t eat the yellow snow.”
“Does somebody need a hug?”
“What about Santa’s cookies? I suppose parents eat those too?”
Emily – “We can’t just throw him out in the snow.”
Walter – “Why not? He loves the snow. He’s told me 15 times.”
“Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?”
Buddy – “Well, if you’re Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?”
Gimbel’s Santa – “Mm, Happy Birthday, of course!”
“You smell like beef and cheese, you don’t smell like Santa.”
“You sit on a throne of lies!”
“Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas Carol.”
“I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.”
“Wow, you’re fast. I’m glad I caught up to you. I waited 5 hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news – I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?”
“Buddy, you’re more of an elf than anyone I ever met and the only one who I would want working on my sleigh tonight.”
“It’s just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture.”
Buddy – “I’m singing, I’m in a store, and I’m siiinnggiinngg!”
Gimbel’s Manager – “Hey! There’s no singin’ in the North Pole!”
Buddy – “Yes there is!”
Gimbel’s Manager – “No there’s not!”
Buddy – “We sing all the time!”
Gimbel’s Manager – “No you don’t!”
Buddy – “Especially when we build toys!”
“Son of a Nutcracker!”
White Christmas Movie Quotes (1954)
Christmas is a time where traditions come out to play and nostalgia is here to stay, and White Christmas is a classic among them. Bing Crosby may be known for his charming voice and classic Christmas tunes, and Danny Kaye is renowned for dazzling the stage, but wait until you get a load of these vintage Christmas movie quotes!
“And may all your Christmases be white. Merry Christmas!”
Bob Wallace – “We came up here for the snow. Where’re you keepin’ it?”
Emma Allen – “Well, we take it during the day!”
“We like to take care of our friends.”
Phil Davis – “My dear partner, when what’s left of you gets around to what’s left to be gotten, what’s left to be gotten won’t be worth getting, whatever it is you’ve got left.”
Bob Wallace – “When I figure out what that means I’ll come up with a crushing reply.”
“Oh, that’s very funny. Ho, ho, ho. The crooner is now becoming the comic.”
Judy Haynes – “Well, are things really that bad?”
Emma Allen – “We’re using the ski tow to hang the wash on.”
“In some ways you’re far superior to my Cocker Spaniel.”
Phil Davis – “I don’t know what he’s up to, but he’s got that Rodgers and Hammerstein look again.”
Betty Haynes – “Is that bad?”
Phil Davis – “Not bad, but always expensive.”
“I don’t know what you see in this long drink of charged water but, honestly, after you get to know him he’s almost endurable.”
Phil Davis – “How can a guy that ugly have the nerve to have sisters?”
Bob Wallace – V”ery brave parents, I guess.”
“Well, I’m, uh, more the ‘I-don’t-mind-pushing-my-best-friend-into-but-I’m-scared-stiff-when-I-get-anywhere-close-to-it-myselfing’ kind.”
Phil Davis – “Uh, that’s right, Bob, ideal. That’s exactly the word we used, too – ideal. We looked at this big ski lodge and we said “Isn’t it ideal, absolutely, ideal,” didn’t we?”
Bob Wallace – “Ideal.”
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly – “We’ve established the fact the lodge is ideal.”
“And I never saw anything look so wonderful in my whole life! Thank you all.”
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly – “How could you have sent all my suits to the cleaners?”
Emma Allen – “You’ve only got two.”
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly – “Well, I think you’d send one at a time then, in that case.”
“You didn’t expect me to come down in my bathrobe, did you?”
“Well, I like that! Without so much as a “kiss my foot” or “have an apple.”
Phil Davis – “How much is wow?”
Bob Wallace – “It’s right in between, uh, between ouch and boring.”
Phil Davis – “Wow!”
“Well, you’re not exactly Superman, but you’re awfully available.”
“Phil Davis – Hey, we’re a smash! Let’s take a bow!
Bob Wallace – You crazy? We’ll be takin’ a bow down at the jail house. Come on!”
“There’s no Christmas in the Army, Captain.”
“Bob Wallace – Well, break your arm, or your ankle or your neck but don’t break anything valuable, huh? Phil Davis – Okay, Bob. You can depend on me.”
“You outta consider yourself plenty lucky! You might have been stuck with this weirdsmobile for life!”
Judy Haynes – “Last night, she couldn’t sleep; today, she won’t eat: she’s in love.”
Phil Davis – “Well, if that’s love, somebody goofed.”
“I wanna wash my hands, my face, my hair with snow.”
Bob Wallace – “I just dropped by to thank you for saving my life.
Phil Davis – “Well, it was a life worth saving, sir.”
“Vermont must be beautiful this time of year, all that snow!”
I’ll Be Home for Christmas Movie Quotes (1998)
This one is for the Disney Channel kids who loved Johnathan Taylor Thomas. Loved, who are we kidding, change that to love! This movie has some goofy Christmas movie quotes, and is a heart-warming shenanigan-filled Christmas movie that is off the mainstream of Christmas movies. Step into your childhood for these Christmas movie quotes!
“Hey jingle balls! Move your candycanes!”
Allie – “First the ground rules. If you say too many stupid things, I’ll have to slug you. If you say anything nasty about Jake, I’ll have to slug you. If you try to feel me up, I’ll have to slug you. If you make me listen to any sexist, racist, or homophobic jokes, I’m gonna have to slug you. And finally, I might just have to slug you from time to time, simply because I find the prospect of driving across the country with you incredibly stressful!”
Eddie – “All right. Sounds like a party to me!”
Eddie – “Woah! You’re not so cute in the morning. I’m kind of glad nothing happened. Ow! You just slugged me!”
Allie – “As per our agreement.”
“Oh, man, I went and killed Santa!”
Jake Wilkinson – “Say something romantic.”
Officer Max – “Huh.”
Jake Wilkinson – “Say something apologetic.”
Officer Max – “Huh?”
Jake Wilkinson – “Say something in English!”
Tracey Wilkinson – “When did I become your slave?”
Jake Wilkinson – “The day you were born.”
“Ow! You glued it on, didn’t you, you jerks! The hat too? This is not acceptable!”
Allie – “Well, look at that. The clock man is sexually harassing the clock lady. How typical.”
Eddie – “Uh, don’t witness it. You might have to testify.”
Allie – “Wow, Eddie. That was actually clever.”
“Out of all the planets in the universe, how is it that this is the only one that’s spawned intelligent life?”
Officer Max – “So how’d it go?”
Jake Wilkinson – “You know what a swirlie is?”
Miracle on 34th Street Quotes (1994)
From the drama of the courtroom to fuzzy warm Christmas feelings and childlike wonder, Miracle on 34th Street is a timeless merry tale. Take a trip back to your childhood days of waiting for Santa and writing him letters by reading through these heartwarming Christmas movie quotes. They’re bound to get you in the Christmas spirit!
“We invite you to ask yourself this one simple question: Do you believe in Santa Claus?”
“Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind.”
Doris Walker – “Would you please tell her that you’re not really Santa Claus, that actually is no such person?”
Kris Kringle – “Well, I hate to disagree with you, but not only is there such a person, but here I am to prove it.”
“Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to.”
“I’m not just a whimsical figure who wears a charming suit and affects a jolly demeanor. You know, I I I’m a symbol. I’m a symbol of the human ability to be able to suppress the selfish and hateful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives. If you can’t believe, if you can’t accept anything on faith, then you’re doomed for a life dominated by doubt.”
Fred Gailey – “All my life I’ve wondered something, and now’s my chance to find out. I’m going to find the answer to a question that’s puzzled the world for centuries. Does Santa Claus sleep with his whiskers outside or in?”
Kris Kringle – “Always sleep with them out. Cold air makes them grow.”
“Mr. Collins, I hope you’ve taken down that old TV antenna. I ripped my pants on it last year.”
“Your Honor, every one of these letters is addressed to Santa Claus. The Post Office has delivered them. Therefore the Post Office Department, a branch of the Federal Governent, recognizes this man Kris Kringle to be the one and only Santa Claus.”
“Nuts. I should have got his autograph.”
Susan Walker – “I can’t sleep.”
Dorey Walker – “What’s on your mind?”
Susan Walker – “Santa Claus.”
“Yeah, there’s a lot of bad ‘isms’ floatin’ around this world, but one of the worst is commercialism. Make a buck, make a buck. Even in Brooklyn it’s the same – don’t care what Christmas stands for, just make a buck, make a buck.”
“This guy ain’t dangerous. He may be off his rails a bit, but he ain’t nothing. And if he wants to call himself Santa Claus, then God bless him.”
“Would it please the court if I gave you your Christmas card? I don’t think I’ll see you again. Unless I get arrested which is highly unlikely because it’s Christmas Eve and I’m going to bed uncharacteristically early.”
Bryan Bedford – “Well, tell me something, Daniel could that man be Santa Claus?”
Daniel – “Nope.”
Bryan Bedford – “Why not?”
Daniel – “‘Cause Santa don’t got a grumpy face.”
“Would you be our Santa Claus?”
A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas Quotes (2011)
Crazy, absurd, funny, and did we mention crazy? A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas is a very adult-Christmas movie night film, but if you’re looking for a wild ride with a hint of Christmas, this is the movie for you. You can take a preview by reading through these funny Christmas movie quotes from A Very Hard & Kumar Christmas!
“I shot Santa in the face! He’s real! And I shot him in the face!”
“They serve pancakes in hell.”
“I haven’t shaved since you left. Pretty romantic, right? Like Ryan Gosling in “The Notebook.”
“Look, don’t be alarmed… but I’m gonna squirt some lotion on your back in about… 35 seconds.”
“The tree is a cancer, Harold. We have to get rid of it before it kills Christmas.”
“Oh, Harry. Tinkled on the windshield. That is officially the grossest thing that has ever happened to me.”
“No can do man. I have to stay here and smoke this weed, otherwise I won’t get high.”
David Burtka – “I have Fred Savage on speed dial.”
Neil Patrick Harris – “F*** Savage! That crack is mine!”
“Koreans have killed his mother and now his tree. Christmas is ruined.”
“Neil Patrick Harris! Welcome to Heaven! I’m Jesus.”
Scrooged Quotes (1988)
For these Christmas movie quotes, we’re visited by quotes from Bill Murray’s past, from the classic film Scrooged. Much like Charles Dickinson’s timeless tale, the ghosts of Christmas Present, Past, and Future come out to play, and there is quite a collection of Christmas movie quotes along with the shenanigans!
“It’s Christmas Eve! It’s… it’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we… we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be. It’s a… miracle.”
“That’s the one good thing about regret: it’s never too late. You can always change tomorrow if you want to.”
“It’s not too late on Christmas Eve to have fun, you can call an old college roommate, call, you know an old army buddy, call your personal banker.”
Props Guy – “I can’t get the antlers glued to this little guy. We tried crazy glue, but it don’t work.”
Frank Cross – “Did you try staples?”
“Can’t you get back to me after the holidays? I’ve had a bad day.”
“I never liked a girl well enough to give her twelve sharp knives.”
“You won’t be one of these bastards who says “Christmas is once a year and it’s a fraud”, it’s not!”
Frank Cross – “I get it. You’re taking me back in time to show me my mother and father, and I’m supposed to get all goosey and blubbery. Well, forget it, pal, you got the wrong guy!”
Ghost Of Christmas Past – “That’s exactly what Attila the Hun said. But when he saw his mother- Niagara Falls!”
“I don’t mind you shooting at me, Frank, but take it easy on the Bacardi!”
“Seven o’clock. Psychos seize Santa’s workshop and only Lee Majors can stop them.”
“You forgot to say God bless us, everyone.”
Frank Cross – “Do you think I’m way off base here?”
Elliot – “Yes. You’re, well, you’re a tad off base, sir. That thing looked like The Manson Family Christmas Special!”
“Hey. Are you glad to see me, or is this a shotgun in your pocket?”
“Sometimes the truth is painful, Frank. But it’s made your cheeks rosy and your eyes bright!”
“The b*tch hit me with a toaster!”
Ghost Of Christmas Present – “Let’s face it, Frank. Garden slugs got more out of life than you.”
Frank Cross – “Yeah? Name one!”
“No, you are a hallucination brought on by alcohol… Russian vodka poisoned by Chernobyl!”
Frank Cross – “Where are we?”
Ghost Of Christmas Past – “Where are we? You mean, When are we?“
“All day long, I listen to people give me excuses why they can’t work… ‘My back hurts,’ ‘my legs ache,’ ‘I’m only four!’ The sooner he learns life isn’t handed to him on a silver platter, the better!”
Frank Cross – “Grace, put yourself down for a towel, too.”
Grace – “What about my bonus?”
Frank Cross – “Towel and a facecloth.”
“Go back to Jersey, you moron!”
Daughter – “Mom, when are we gonna get a real Christmas tree?”
Grace – “When they’re free!”
“There are people who are having trouble making their miracle happen; there are people who don’t have enough to eat, there are people who are cold, you can go out and say hello to these people. You can take an old blanket out of the closet and go to them and say ‘Here!’, you can make them a sandwich and say ‘oh by the way, here!'”
“Don’t vex me Frank, or I’ll fix your mouth so it won’t hold soup.”
Frank Cross – “What’s going on?”
Ghost Of Christmas Past – “How should I know? I’m just the ghost! So long, sucker!”
“We’re gonna need champagne for 250 people, and send the stuff that you send to me. Don’t send the stuff that I send to other people.”
Frank Cross – “Grace, what in the hell is this?”
Grace – “Oh, it’s a painting, one of my kids did. See, there’s Santa Claus and there’s Mrs. Claus.”
Frank Cross – “Honey, how many fingers does Mrs. Santa Claus have here?”
Grace – “Eleven.”
Frank Cross – “Eleven. Right. It’s crap. Lose it. I don’t want it on the wall.”
Home Alone Quotes (1990)
It isn’t Christmas without Home Alone & Home Alone 2: Lost in New York! Relive the crazy adventure with mischievously clever Kevin McCallister while reading these Christmas movie quotes that’ll bring the hilarious and touching scenes right to your brain. Why, these Christmas movie quotes may just make you want to binge these movies afterwards!
Harry – “Why the hell did you take your shoes off?”
Marv – “Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?”
“This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I’m living alone. Did you hear me?”
“How you feel about your family is a complicated thing. Deep down, you’ll always love them. But you can forget that you love them, and you can hurt them and they can hurt you, and that’s not just because you’re young.”
Cashier – “Are you here all by yourself?”
Kevin McCallister – “Ma’am, I’m eight years old. You think I would be here alone? I don’t think so.”
“Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!“
“Guys, I’m eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!”
Kate McCallister – “Have you ever gone on vacation and left your child home?”
Gus Polinski – “No, no. But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once. Yeah, it was awful. The wife was distraught and we left the little tyke there in the funeral parlor all day. All day. You know, we went back at night and apparently he had been alone all day with the corpse. He was okay though, after two, three weeks he came around and started talking again.”
Kate McCallister – “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this.”
“Santy don’t visit the funeral homes, little buddy.”
“Kevin, you are such a disease!”
Megan McCallister – “You’re not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin?”
Buzz McCallister – “No, for three reasons: A, I’m not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.”
“You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I’ll snap off your cajones and boil them in motor oil!”
Peter McCallister – “Hey did you by any chance pick up a voltage adapter thing?”
Kate McCallister – “No, I didn’t have time to do that.”
Peter McCallister – “Well how am I supposed to shave in France?”
Kate McCallister – “Grow a goatee.”
“Keep the change, ya filthy animal!”
“I think we’re getting scammed by a kindergartener.”
Kevin McCallister – “No offense, aren’t you too old to be afraid?”
Marley – “You can be too old for a lot of things, but you’re never too old to be afraid.”
“Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi!”
Kevin McCallister – “Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?”
Cashier – “Well, I don’t know. It doesn’t say, hon.”
Kevin McCallister – “Well, could you please find out?”
“KEVIN!“
“The dope was whining about a suit case. What was I supposed to do? Shake his hand and say, Congratulations, you’re an idiot?”
“Where are you, you little creep?”
Marv – “Kids are scared of the dark.”
Harry – “You’re afraid of the dark too, Marv.”
“You know, Kevin, you’re what the French call “les incompetents.”
“I made my family disappear.”
Marv – “He’s a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was.”
Harry – “You still are, Marv.”
“We’re the wet bandits!”
“Kevin, I’m going to feed you to my tarantula.”
Harry – “We’ll go thru the back. Maybe the kid will let us in, you never know.”
Marv – “Yeah, he’s a kid. Kids are stupid.”
“You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?”
Kate McCallister – “Where are the passports and tickets?”
Peter McCallister – “I put them in the microwave to dry them off.”
“Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?”
“Don’t you know how to knock, phlegm-wad?”
Kevin McCallister – “I wish my grandparents did that. They always send me clothes. Last year I got a sweater with a big bird knitted on it.”
Marley – “That’s nice.”
Kevin McCallister – “Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing something like that. Yeah, I had a friend who got nailed because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas.”
Furnace – “Ha! Ha! Ha! Hello, Kevin! Ha! Ha! Ha!”
Kevin McCallister – “Shut up.”
“Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.”
Buzz McCallister – “Say, isn’t it true that French babes don’t shave their pits?”
Rod McCallister – “Some don’t.”
Buzz McCallister – “But they’ve got nude beaches.”
Rod McCallister – “Not in the winter.”
“He’s only a kid Harry. We can take him.”
Kevin McCallister – “Did I burn down the joint? I don’t think so. I was making ornaments out of fish hooks.”
Peter McCallister – “My new fish hooks?”
Kevin McCallister – “I can’t make ornaments out of the old ones, with dry worm guts stuck on them.”
“This is Christmas! The season of perpetual hope! And I don’t care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike! If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.”
“This is extremely important. Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back. No toys. Nothing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Megan, Linnie, and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay?”
Buzz McCallister – “Hey, Kev. It’s pretty cool you didn’t burn the place down.”
Kevin McCallister – “Thanks Buzz.”
“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York Quotes (1992)
“It’s Christmas Eve. Good deeds count extra tonight. Think of an important thing you can do for others, and go do it. Just follow the star in your heart.”
Cedric – “Your drawers, sir.”
Kevin McCallister – “Geez! Don’t flash these babies around here; there could be girls on this floor!”
Cedric – “I was very careful, sir.”
Kevin McCallister – “You can’t be too careful when it involves underwear.”
“My tie is in the bathroom and I can’t go in because Uncle Frank is taking a shower. He says that if I walked in there and saw him naked, I’d grow up never feeling like a real man.”
Harry – “What store is going to make the most cash on Christmas Eve that nobody’s gonna think to rob?”
Marv – “Candy stores! Harry – 9-year-olds rob candy stores, Marv.”
“Merry Christmas, you filthy animal. And a Happy New Year.”
Marv – “Harry, are you wearing aftershave?”
Harry – “That’s not aftershave, Marv. That’s kerosene. The rope is soaked in it.”
Marv – “Now why would anyone wanna soak a rope in kerosene?”
“Whoa! What a hole!”
“Well, two turtle doves. I’ll tell you what you do: you keep one, and you give the other one to a very special person. You see, turtle doves are a symbol of friendship and love. And as long as each of you has your turtle dove, you’ll be friends forever.”
Room Service – “Two scoops, sir?”
Kevin McCallister – “Two? Make it three, I’m not driving.”
Kate McCallister – “What kind of idiots do you have working here?”
Concierge – “The finest in New York.”
“Suck brick kid!”
Kevin McCallister – “Why do we have to go to Florida? There’s no Christmas trees in Florida.”
Kate McCallister – “Kevin, what is it with you and Christmas trees?”
Kevin McCallister – “How could you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom?”
Kate McCallister – “Well, find a nice, fake silver one. Or decorate a palm tree.”
“I’m 10-years-old. TV is my life.”
Harry – “Marv, how many fingers am I holding up?”
Marv – “Um, eight?”
Sondra McCallister – “What’s the point in going to Florida if you’re going to put on sunblock?”
Megan McCallister – “I don’t care if I age like an old suitcase, I’m getting toasted.”
“You can mess with a lot of things, but you can’t mess with kids on Christmas.”
Harry – “You better say every prayer you ever heard kid.”
Marv – “I hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas!”
“It’s a nice night for a neck injury.”
“If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won’t forget to remember you.”
Pigeon Lady – “The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people.”
Kevin McCallister – “No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do.”
“Get outta here, you nosey little pervert, or I’m gonna slap you silly!”
“Ohh, you’re cooookin’, Frankie!”
Harry – “Here we are, Marv. New York City. The land of opportunity. Smell that?”
Marv – “Yeah.”
Harry – “Know what that is?”
Marv – “Fish.”
Harry – “It’s freedom.”
Marv – “No, it’s fish.”
Harry – “It’s freedom and it’s money.”
“Don’t you know a kid always wins against two idiots?”
“I don’t care if they give me the chair, I’m going to kill that kid!”
“My grandfather says if my head wasn’t screwed on, I’d leave it on the school bus.”
Harry – “He took our picture!”
Marv – “How’d my hair look?”
“You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war.”
“I never made it to the sixth grade, kid. And it doesn’t look like you’re gonna, either.”
Cedric – “You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed here on this floor.”
Kevin McCallister – “The vacuum guy?”
Cedric – “No the President.”
“I know I don’t deserve a Christmas, even if I did do a good deed. I don’t want any presents. Instead, I want to take back every mean thing I ever said to my family. Even if they don’t take back the things they said to me. I don’t care. I love all of them… Including Buzz. I know it isn’t possible to see them all. Could I just see my mother? I’ll never want another thing as long as I live if I can just see my mother. I know I won’t see her tonight, but promise me I can see her again. Sometime. Any time. Even if it’s just once and only for a couple of minutes. I just need to tell her I’m sorry.”
Kevin McCallister – “How’d you know I was here?”
Kate McCallister – “Well, I knew you and Christmas trees, and this is the biggest one around.”
Harry – “Merry Christmas, Harry.”
Marv – “Happy Kanukkah, Marv.”
“KEVIN! You spent $967 on ROOM SERVICE?!”
Frosty the Snowman Quotes (1969)
Who can forget the jolliness and heartfilled warmth of Frosty the Snowman? Why, if he doesn’t embody the spirit of Christmas, we don’t know who does! Well, besides Santa himself of course. Although this film was released decades ago, it still sparks a whimsical twinkle in your eye. And while you’re reading through this Christmas movie quotes, you may just hear ol’ Frosty’s voice!
Say, does anyone else have the urge to build a snowman now?
“I suppose it all started with the snow. You see, it was a very special kind of snow. A snow that made the happy happier, and the giddy even giddier. A snow that’d make a homecoming homier, and natural enemies, friends, natural. For it was the first snow of the season. And as any child can tell you, there’s a certain magic that comes with the very first snow, especially when it falls on the day before Christmas. For when the first snow is also a Christmas snow, well, something wonderful is bound to happen.”
“Happy birthday! Hey, I said my first words. But … But snowmen can’t talk. All right, come on now, what’s the joke? Could – could I really be alive?”
“That silly snowman.”
Child – “We’re building a snowman, Karen. You make the head.”
Karen – “The head is the most difficult part. Ask anyone.”
“What do you know? I’m even ticklish. In fact, I’m all livin’! I am alive! What a neat thing to happen to a nice guy like me.”
“Hocus explained the situation to Santa, who as you know, speaks a fluent rabbit.”
Traffic Cop – “Didn’t you see that traffic light?”
Frosty – “What’s a traffic light?”
Traffic Cop – “Up there on that lamppost.”
Frosty – “What’s a lamppost?”
Traffic Cop – “Oh, so you want a ticket wise guy?”
Frosty – “I’d love one to the North Pole, please!”
“You see, Frosty, since he was made out of snow, was the fastest belly-whopper… in the world.”
“Oh. I was afraid of that. The thermometer’s getting red. I hate red thermometers.”
“I must get that hat back! Think nasty, think nasty, think nasty!”
Santa Claus – “If you so much as lay a finger on the brim, I will never bring you another Christmas present as long as you live.”
Professor Hinkle – “Never?”
Santa Claus – “Never.”
Professor Hinkle – “No more trick cards, or magic balls or…”
Santa Claus – “No more anything.”
“Ohhhh, that’s not fair. I mean, we evil magicians have to make a living, too.”
Frosty – “It’s got to be all warm and snug inside for those Christmas flowers to grow so beautiful. Let’s go in.”
Karen – “Oh, but, but you’ll melt!”
Frosty – “Just a little. I’ll only stay inside for a minute. Besides, I’ve been meaning to take off a little weight, anyway.”
“Then suddenly they came upon a tiny glen which seemed almost magical. For it was Christmas Eve and the woodland animals were all decorating for their big celebration. They knew Santa was to come that night, and they wanted everything to be just right.”
“And you, stay in there, or there’ll be no carrots for Christmas!”
Ticket Master – “The North Pole? Ohh, yes, ma’am! Route you by the way of Saskatchewan, Hudson Bay, Nome, Alaska; the Klondike, and Aurora Borealis! Gotta make a change at Nanook of the North, though. That’ll be $3,000.04, including tax.”
Karen – “Oh, but, we don’t have any money.”
Ticket Master – “No money? No money, no ticket!”
“Silly, silly, silly!”
“Phew! Stay in here much longer and I’ll really make a splash in the world.”
Frosty – “Are you coming to the North Pole too?”
Karen – “I’m sure my mother won’t mind, as long as I’m home in time for supper.”
“Ohh, don’t cry, Karen. Frosty’s not gone for good. You see, he was made out of Christmas snow, and Christmas snow can never disappear completely. Oh, yet sometimes it goes away for almost a year at a time, and takes the form of spring and summer rain. But you can bet your boots that when a good, jolly December wind kisses it, it will turn into Christmas snow all over again.”
“Karen hated to say goodbye to Frosty, But as Santa promised, Frosty returned every year with the magical Christmas snow. And every year there was a great celebration with a big Christmas parade.”
“And with Frosty the Snowman, Christmas was always very merry indeed, And you have a merry Christmas too.”
The Santa Clause Quotes (1994)
In 1994 the Christmas movie game was changed when this original came to the silvers creen; The Santa Clause! Along with its following 2 movies, creating a cheerful and hilarious movie marathon experience. You can definitely hear Tim Allen’s voice in these Christmas movie quotes; take a look for yourself!
“The only thing you need to worry about is where you’re going to buy your sweaters after the circus pulls out of town.”
Charlie – “It’s Santa! You killed him!”
Scott Calvin – “Did not! And he’s not Santa!”
Charlie – “Well he was.”
“Not too hot. Extra chocolate. Shaken, not stirred.”
Bernard – “You got the card? Okay, look.”
Scott Calvin – “What does that mean?”
Bernard – “It means you put on the suit, you’re the big guy.”
“Seeing isn’t believing. Believing is seeing.”
Scott Calvin – “You know, you look pretty good for your age.”
Little Elf Judy – “Thanks, but I’m seeing someone in Wrapping.”
“Charlie, stay away from those things. They’re reindeer, you don’t know where they’ve been. They all look like they’ve got key lime disease.”
Scott Calvin – “What if I don’t buy any of this Santa Clause thing? What if I choose not to believe it?”
Bernard – “Then there would be millions of disappointed children around the world. You see, children hold the spirit of Christmas within their hearts. You don’t wanna be responsible for killing the spirit of Christmas, now would you, Santa?”
“What are you talking about? Everybody likes Denny’s, it’s an American institution.”
Neil – “What about Santa’s reindeer? Have you ever seen a reindeer fly?”
Charlie – “Yes.”
Neil – “Well, I haven’t.”
Charlie – “Have you ever seen a million dollars?”
Neil – “No.”
Charlie – “Just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”
“My Dad is Santa Claus.”
Charlie – “These are Santa’s reindeer, aren’t they?”
Scott Calvin – “I hope not. These are … A gift. Probably from the cable company. We’re getting the Disney Channel now. Merry Christmas.”
“We’re your worst nightmare. Elves with attitude.”
Scott Calvin – “Where is he?”
Laura – “Well, he could be listening to records jumping up and down on his bed wearing a red hat and galoshes.”
Scott Calvin – “I don’t care what Neil’s doing. Where’s Charlie?”
“Down the chimney? You want me to take the toys down the chimney into a strange house, IN MY UNDERWEAR?”
Charlie – “Whoa Dad! You’re flying!”
Scott Calvin – “It’s okay, I’m used to it. I’ve lived through the ’60s.”
“Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?”
“Who gave you permission to tell Charlie there was no Santa Claus? I think if we’re going to destroy our son’s delusions, I should be a part of it.”
Laura – “All Neil told him was that Santa was more of a feeling. More of a state of mind than an actual person.”
Scott Calvin – “Kind of like Neil.”
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! And when I wake up, I’m gettin’ a CAT scan!”
The Santa Clause 2 Quotes (2002)
Scott Calvin – “I have to get married?”
Bernard – “Yes. It’s the Mrs. clause.”
“Curtis, you’re 900 years old, grow up!”
“My friends get to go around saying, “my dad’s a plumber”, “my dad’s a pilot”, “my dad’s a dentist”. You know what? My dad is the best thing of all and I can’t tell anyone about it.”
“Scott Calvin – “You should be proud of your wings.”
Tooth Fairy – “They’re not too girly?”
Scott Calvin – “Not on you.”
Lucy – “Uncle Scott, are you Santa Claus?”
Scott Calvin – “What makes you say that?”
Lucy – “Because you have a reindeer.”
Scott Calvin – “Lots of people have reindeer.”
Lucy – “Name five.”
Curtis the Experimental Elf – “Well I think he’s learning at an excellent rate!”
Bernard – “Oh really? This morning he ate a bowl of wax fruit.”
“You are a sad, strange little man!”
Abby – “It’s Charlie.”
Scott Calvin – “Sheen? I thought he straightened out?”
Abby – “Not that Charlie.”
“The town will break our fall.”
Principal Carol Newman – “I owe you one.”
Scott Calvin – “It’s a great party. Look. That guy moved!”
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause Quotes (2006)
“Oh look, tall people!”
“I invented chill!”
Bud Newman – “As smooth as a baby’s butt, feel it.”
Scott Calvin – “Oh yeah, very butt-like.”
“You hit me with a shovel!”
“I’m gonna kick the coal outta whoever did that!”
Mother Nature – “Jack Frost, You are hereby charged with 273 counts of attempted upstaging of Santa Claus. You froze a volcano in Hawaii. You made it snow in the Amazon. And you frosted Mexico, sending all of the geese north for the winter. You have violated the Legendary Figures Code of Conduct in a manner that is both willful and malicious.”
Jack Frost – “Excuse me, did you just accuse me of being skillful and delicious? Guilty as charged.”
“You’re not Santa anymore. You’re just the guy who smells like a cookie.”
Sylvia Newman – “Well they are petite.”
Bud Newman – “Tom Cruise is petite, these guys are short!”
“They’re elves! They’re not little Canadians, they’re really elves!”
“You get the Coca-Cola cans, you get the TV specials and what do I get? A few runny noses and some dead citrus.”
“Canada! It’s North, in North America, eh! Vinegar on their French fries, they sit on their Chesterfield to watch the hockey game, shoot the puck, daddy-o!”
“Remember, kids, how much your parents love you depends on how much they spend on your gift!”
A Charlie Brown Christmas Quotes (1965)
Nothing says a classic Christmas like the little Peanuts strolling up your memory lane! Good grief, you’ve got to check out these Christmas movie quotes form A Charlie Brown Christmas; and someone give poor Charlie Brown a hug!
“I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It’s not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love.”
Lucy Van Pelt – “Are you afraid of staircases? If you are, then you have climacaphobia. Maybe you have thalassophobia. This is fear of the ocean, or gephyrobia, which is the fear of crossing bridges. Or maybe you have pantophobia. Do you think you have pantophobia?”
Charlie Brown – “What’s pantophobia?”
Lucy Van Pelt – “The fear of everything.”
Charlie Brown – “That’s it!”
“I’ve been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some Iodine!”
Charlie Brown – “I just don’t understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I’m still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed.”
Linus Van Pelt – “Charlie Brown, you’re the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy’s right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you’re the Charlie Browniest.”
Lucy Van Pelt – “I know how you feel about all this Christmas business, getting depressed and all that. It happens to me every year. I never get what I really want. I always get a lot of stupid toys or a bicycle or clothes or something like that.”
Charlie Brown – “What is it you want?”
Lucy Van Pelt – “Real estate.”
“Dear Santa Claus, How have you been? Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife? I have been extra good this year, so I have a long list of presents that I want.”
Patty – “Try to catch snowflakes on your tongue, it’s fun!”
Linus Van Pelt – “Mmm, needs sugar.”
“Pig-Pen, you’re the only person I know who can raise a cloud of dust in a snowstorm.”
Lucy Van Pelt – “You do think I’m beautiful, don’t you Charlie Brown? You didn’t answer me right away. You had to think about it first, didn’t you? If you really had thought I was beautiful, you would’ve spoken right up. I know when I’ve been insulted. I know when I’ve been insulted!”
Charlie Brown – “Good grief.”
“Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there weren’t a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?”
Charlie Brown – “Thanks for the Christmas card you sent me, Violet.”
Violet – “I didn’t send you a Christmas card, Charlie Brown.”
Charlie Brown – “Don’t you know sarcasm when you hear it?”
“Look, Charlie, let’s face it. We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big eastern syndicate, you know.”
Lucy Van Pelt – “What kind of Christmas music is that?”
Schroeder – “Beethoven Christmas music.”
“Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!”
Love Actually Movie Quotes (2003)
The famous scene up above from one of the most romantic and witty Christmas movies in the genre, with an all-star cast, it’s Love Actually! And actually, there are plenty of funny and lovely Christmas movie quotes tucked away in this 2003 hit. True love and Christmas go hand in hand in this beloved Christmas story.
“True love lasts a lifetime.”
“Who do you have to screw around here to get a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit?”
“If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”
Daniel – “Tell her that you love her.”
Sam – “No way! Anyway, they fly tonight.”
Daniel – “Even better! Sam, you’ve got nothin’ to lose, and you’ll always regret it if you don’t! I never told your mom enough. I should have told her every day because she was perfect every day. You’ve seen the films, kiddo. It ain’t over ’til its over.
Sam – “Okay, Dad. Let’s do it. Let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love.”
“The thing about romance is people only get together right at the very end.”
“I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, hoping to be kissed.”
Harry – “Tell me, exactly, how long it is that you’ve been working here?”
Sarah – “Two years, seven months, three days and, I suppose, what, two hours?”
Harry – “And how long have you been in love with Karl, our enigmatic chief designer?”
Sarah – “Mmm, two years, seven months, three days and, I suppose, an hour and thirty minutes.”
Harry – “I thought as much.”
“The trouble with being the Prime Minister’s sister is, it does put your life into rather harsh perspective. What did my brother do today? He stood up and fought for his country. And what did I do? I made a papier maché lobster head.”
“You turn out to be the f***ing love of my life. And to be honest, despite all my complaining, we have had a wonderful life.”
“Life is full of interruptions and complications.”
“We may be a small country, but we’re a great one, too. The country of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham’s right foot. David Beckham’s left foot, come to that.”
Natalie – “He said no one’s gonna fancy a girl with thighs the size of big tree trunks. Not a nice guy, actually, in the end.”
Prime Minister – “You know, um, being Prime Minister, I could just have him murdered.”
Natalie – “Thank you, sir. I’ll think about it.”
Prime Minister – “Do. The SAS are absolutely charming. Ruthless trained killers are just a phone call away.”
“Don’t buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!”
Sam – “There’s this big concert at the end of term, and Joanna’s in it. And I thought, maybe if I was in the band, and played absolutely superbly, there’s a chance that she might actually fall in love with me. What do you think?”
Daniel – “I think it’s brilliant! I think it’s stellar! Uh, apart from the one, obvious, tiny, little baby little hiccup.”
Sam – “That I don’t play a musical instrument.”
Daniel – “Yessir.”
Sam – “A tiny, insignificant detail.”
“Which doll shall we give Daisy’s little friend Emily? The one that looks like a transvestite or the one that looks like a dominatrix?”
Billy Mack – “This is sh*t isn’t it?”
Joe – “Yep, solid gold sh*t, maestro.”
“Get a grip, people hate sissies. No-one’s ever gonna shag you if you cry all the time.”
“Christmas shopping, never an easy or a pleasant task.”
Daisy – “We’ve been given our parts in the nativity play. And I’m the lobster.”
Karen – “The lobster?”
Daisy – “Yeah!”
Karen – “In the nativity play?”
Daisy – “Yeah the first lobster.”
Karen – “There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?”
Daisy – “Duh.”
“I realized that Christmas is the time to be with the people you love.”
Jingle All The Way Christmas Movie Quotes (1996)
Ah yes, the charmingly chaotic tale of one man in search of a toy for his son’s Christmas present. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s staring role in Jingle All The Way is riddled with laughs and reliability for parents everywhere! These Christmas movie quotes will make you want to do your Christmas shopping bright and early!
“I’m gonna deck your halls, bub!”
“We’re not just doing this for us. We’re doing it for the kids. For every kid who ever sat on Santa’s lap. For every little girl who left cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas night. For every little boy who opens a package Christmas morning and finds clothes instead of toys. It breaks my heart.”
Myron – “I work for the post office, so you know I’m not stable! Tell em!”
Howard – “This man is totally insane.”
Myron – “Thank you!”
“Enough with this Turbo Man! I have had it up to here with this Turbo Man! If there’s anybody I don’t want advice from right now, it’s Turbo Man!”
Warehouse Santa – “Password.”
Mall Santa – “Jingle Bells, Batman smells.”
“How about these stupid letters from kids to Santa at the North Pole: “Dear Santa, Can you send me a bike and a slinky?” No! Your father’s been laid off!”
Howard – “You built a bomb?”
Myron – “No, I didn’t build a bomb! Don’t you read the news? Hundreds of these things come through the mail every day! I just kept one in case I ever needed it! So give me the doll, or I’ll blow up everybody in this place!”
Howard – “Are you out of your mind? Put this thing away!”
“That really was a bomb? this a sick world we are living in with sick people.”
“You know what? Nobody likes you, Booster.”
Ted – “Howard, they say it might get icy later. You might wanna wrap some chains around those tires.”
Howard – “Maybe I should wrap some chains around you.”
Ted – “What?”
“Put that cookie down. Now!”
Mall Santa – “What did you call us?”
Howard – “You heard me right. Conmen. Thieves. Degenerates. Low-lifes. Thugs. Criminals!”
Mall Santa – “At the North Pole, them are fightin’ words, partner.”
“It’s the Grinch! Scatter!”
Howard – “I gotta tell you, Santa, there’s something about this place that doesn’t seem quite … Kosher.”
Mall Santa – “Kosher? This coming from a guy who assaulted a toddler for a super ball?”
“I want the Turbo Man action figure with the arms and legs that move and the boomerang shooter and his rock’n roller jet pack and the realistic voice activator that says 5 different phrases including, “It’s Turbo time!” Accessories sold separately. Batteries not included.”
“We get one day a year to prove we’re not screw-ups and what do we do? We screw it up.”
Myron – “As if I didn’t have enough trouble, my son sends me out for some goofy-butt toy. Some fruity robot named Turtle Man.”
Howard – “It’s Turbo Man. My son wants one, too.”
“Howard, I’m of the mind set you can never do too much to make a child’s Christmas magical.”
Howard – “I know you, you’re Booster!”
Booster – “Yeah! And who the hell do you think you are, Mary Poppins?”
“I’m not a pervert! I just was looking for a Turbo Man doll!”
Mall Santa – “That’ll be 300.”
Howard – “Dollars?”
Mall Santa – “No, chocolate kisses. Yes dollars!”
“They sit there and use subliminal messages to suck your children’s minds out! And I know what I’m talking about because I went to junior college for a semester and I studied psychology so I’m right in there, I know what’s going on. And then they sit there and they make your children feel like garbage and you, the father, who’s working 24/7 delivering mail so you can make an alimony payment to a woman that slept with everybody at the post office, but me! And then when you get the toy, it breaks and you can’t fix it because it’s little cheap plastic!”
“It’s Turbo time!”
Bad Santa Quotes (2003)
Adults need their Christmas fun too, and Bad Santa has the recipe for it. Mature humor, a crazy plot, an underdog, fantastic Christmas movie quotes, and a heartfelt lesson intertwined in dark humor? Check your Christmas movie list twice!
Kid – “Candy corn?”
Willie – “Well they all can’t be winners!”
“It’s Christmas and the kid’s gettin’ his f***in’ present.”
Kid – “You are really Santa, right?”
Willie – “No, I’m an accountant. I wear this f***ing thing as a fashion statement, alright?”
“I’ve been to prison once, I’ve been married – twice. I was once drafted by Lyndon Johnson and had to live in sh*t-a** Mexico for 2 1/2 years for no reason. I’ve had my eye socket punched in, a kidney taken out and I got a bone-chip in my ankle that’s never gonna heal. I’ve seen some pretty sh*tty situations in my life, but nothing has ever sucked more a** than this!”
Willie – “I beat the sh*t out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno, like I accomplished something.”
Marcus – “You need many years of therapy. Many, many f***in’ years of therapy.”
“I’ve always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn’t notice. It’s like some deep-seeded childhood thing.”
“If I call you next December, if I call you next December, you’re gonna be so happy to hear from me, you’re gonna do a godd*** back flip. You’re gonna put that Santa hat on so fast that you’re gonna get f***ing hat-burn.”
“Why don’t you wish in one hand, and sh*t in the other. See which one fills up first.”
Willie – “You can’t drink worth sh*t.”
Marcus – “I weigh 92 pounds, you d*ck!”
“Your name is Thurman Merman?”
Kid – “Your beard’s not real.”
Willie – “No sh*t! It was real, but I got sick and all the hair fell out.”
Kid – “How come?”
Willie – “I loved a woman who wasn’t clean.”
Kid – “Mrs. Santa?”
Willie – “No it was her sister.”
“Good night, Santa. Good night, Mrs. Santa’s sister.”
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Quotes (1964)
You can’t have Frosty the Snowman without the timeless Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer film. For many people, not only is this heart-filled animation full of grand call-back Christmas movie quotes, but it also holds so much sentimental value that Santa would need a bigger sleigh to carry it all!
Rudolph – “Would you walk home with me?”
Clarice – “Uh-huh. Rudolph? I think you’re cute.”
Rudolph – “I’m cute! I’m cuuttee!”
“Hey, we’re all misfits, too.”
“What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a talking snowman before?”
Rudolph – “It’s not very comfortable!”
Donner – “There are more important things than comfort: self-respect!”
“Ahh. I love this Christmasy time of year. Especially when everything is running happy and smooth, like it is this season.”
Yukon Cornelius – “You’re going to stay with me and we’ll all be rich with the biggest silver strike this side of Hudson Bay. Silverrr!”
Hermey – “I thought you wanted gold.”
Yukon Cornelius – “I changed my mind.”
“Peppermint! What I’ve been searching for all my life! I’ve struck it rich! I’ve got me a peppermint mine! Wa–hooooo!”
Rudolph – “It’s terrible, and it’s different from everybody else’s!”
Clarice – “But that’s what makes it so grand. Why, any doe would consider herself lucky to be with you.”
Hermey – “Hey, what do you say we both be independent together, huh?”
Rudolph – “You wouldn’t mind my red nose?”
Hermey – “Not if you don’t mind me being a dentist.”
Rudolph – “It’s a deal!”
“Goodbye, Cornelius. I hope you find lots of tinsel. Goodbye, Hermey. Whatever a dentist is, I hope someday that you’re the greatest.”
Mrs. Claus – “Eat Papa eat.”
Santa Claus – “How can I eat? That silly elf song is driving me crazy.”
Mrs. Claus – “You’re going to disappoint the children. They expect a fat Santa.”
The Nightmare Before Christmas Quotes (1993)
Do you like a little spooky spice in your Christmas spirit? Then The Nightmare Before Christmas and it’s following Christmas movie quotes will be right up your eeire alley! One can’t help put awe at Jack Skellington and Sally, and giggle at Lock, Shock, and Barrel’s shenanigans.
“I am the Pumpkin King!”
“‘Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you’ve seen in your dreams. For the story you’re about to be told began with the holiday worlds of auld. Now you’ve probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven’t I’d say it’s time you begun.”
Mayor – “How horrible our Christmas will be!”
Jack Skellington – “No. How jolly.”
Mayor – “Oh. How jolly our Christmas will be.”
“Jack, please, I’m only an elected official here, I can’t make decisions by myself!”
Sally – “I had the most terrible vision.”
Jack Skellington – “That’s splendid!”
“Well well well. What have we here? Sandy Claws, huh? Ooo I’m really scared! So you’re the one everybody’s talking about?”
“Now look what you’ve done! My bugs! My bugs! My bugs!”
Dr. Finkelstein – “That’s twice this month you’ve slipped deadly nightshade into my tea and run off.”
Sally – “Three times!”
“My Christmas is filled with laughter, and joy, and this: my Sandy Claws outfit.”
“Eureka! This year, Christmas will be – OURS!”
“Just because I cannot see it, doesn’t mean I can’t believe it!”
Sally – “You don’t look like yourself, Jack. Not at all.”
Jack Skellington – “Isn’t that wonderful? It couldn’t be more wonderful!”
Sally – “But you’re the Pumpkin King!”
Jack Skellington – “Not anymore!”
“What’s this? What’s this? There’s color everywhere! What’s this? There’s white things in the air! What’s this? I can’t believe my eyes, I must be dreaming; wake up, Jack, this isn’t fair! What’s this?”
“Hello, police. Attacked by Christmas toys? That’s strange, that’s the second toy complaint we’ve had.”
How the Grinch Stole Christmas Quotes (2000)
Arguably one of the funniest and most referenced Christmas movie quotes amongst Millenials, Jim Carrey is the self-loathing grumpy ol Grinch in Dr. Suess’s timeless tale How the Grinch Stole Christmas. With an excellently cast crew, a whimsical set, and but of course the genius of Jim Carrey himself, this is a Christmas movie that will be passed down for generations!
“Holiday who-be what-ee?”
The Grinch – “Hello?”
Echo – “Hello.”
The Grinch – “How are you?”
Echo – “How are you?”
The Grinch – “I asked you first.”
Echo – “I asked you first.”
The Grinch – “Oh right, that’s really mature, saying exactly what I say.”
Echo – “Saying exactly what I say.”
The Grinch – “I’m an idiot!”
Echo – “You’re an idiot!”
“I don’t need anything more for Christmas than this right here- my family.”
“Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. LOATHE ENTIRELY!”
Martha May Whovier – “Did I have a crush on the Grinch? Of course not.”
Cindy Lou Who – “Uh, I didn’t ask you that.”
“All right, you’re a reindeer. Here’s your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you’re a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We’ll improvise… just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas! You’re gonna steal it. Saving Christmas is a lousy ending, way too commercial. ACTION!”
“Be it ever so heinous, there’s no place like home.”
Lou Lou Who – “I’m sure they were just up on Mount Crumpit, playing with matches, defacing public property or something or other.”
Mayor Augustus Maywho – “Oh, well that’s a relief.”
“What’s that stench? It’s fantastic.”
“Am I just eating because I’m bored?”
“Blast this Christmas music. It’s joyful and triumphant.”
“I’m all toasty inside. And I’m leaking.”
“Max … help me … I’m feeling.”
Cindy Lou Who – “Santa?”
The Grinch – “What?”
Cindy Lou Who – “Don’t forget the Grinch. I know he’s mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy, but I think he’s actually kinda sweet.”
The Grinch – “Sweet? You think he’s sweet?”
Cindy Lou Who – “Merry Christmas, Santa.”
The Grinch – “Nice kid … bad judge of character.”
“Oh, the Who-manity.”
“If you marry me, along with a lifetime supply of happiness, you’ll also receive this… it’s a new car! Generously provided by the taxpayers of Whoville.”
“The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there – on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn’t allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me – I can’t cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing… I’m booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?”
“Those Whos are hard to frazzle, Max. But, we did our worst, and that’s all that matters.”
“You don’t have a chance with her. You’re eight years old and you have a beard!”
“Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas … means a little bit more.”
“Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, black mail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, jury duty.”
Mayor Augustus Maywho – “They nursed you. They clothed you. Here they are! Your old biddies!”
The Grinch – “Are you two still living?”
“It’s because I’m green isn’t it?”
Cindy Lou Who – “We’re gonna crash!”
The Grinch – “Now you listen to me, young lady! Even if we’re horribly mangled, there’ll be no sad faces on Christmas.”
“We’re gonna die! We’re gonna die! I’m going to throw up, and then I’m gonna die! Mommy, tell it to stop! Whew- Ha! Almost lost my cool there.”
“Hey, Honey! Our baby’s here … he looks just like your boss.”
It’s a Wonderful Life Quotes (1946)
A Christmas tale with one of the most important merry spirit lessons embedded within it, to be thankful for what you have. Not only does It’s a Wonderful Life have some wonderful Christmas movie quotes to enjoy, but it’s also a classic the whole family from each generation can sit down and watch together!
“Isn’t it wonderful? I’m going to jail!”
George – “What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.”
Mary – “I’ll take it. Then what?”
George – “Well, then you can swallow it, and it’ll all dissolve, see … and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair … am I talking too much?”
“George Bailey, I’ll love you ’til the day I die.”
Senior Angel – “A man down on Earth needs our help.”
Clarence – “Splended. Is he sick?”
Senior Angel – “No, worse. He’s discouraged.”
“George, I am an old man, and most people hate me. But I don’t like them either so that makes it all even.”
Zuzu – “Look Daddy! Teacher says, every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.”
George – “That’s right, that’s right.”
“All you can take with you is that which you’ve given away.”
Little Violet – “I like him.”
Little Mary – “You like every boy.”
Little Violet – “What’s wrong with that?”
“Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?”
George – “There she blows. You know what the three most exciting sounds in the world are?”
Uncle Billy – “Uh huh. Breakfast is served; lunch is served; dinner…”
George – “No no no no. Anchor chains, plane motors and train whistles.”
“I been savin’ this money for a divorce, if ever I got a husband.”
“You see, George, you’ve really had a wonderful life. Don’t you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?”
George – “How old are you anyway?”
Mary – “18.”
George – “18! Why is was only last year you were 17.”
“Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!”
“Remember, George- no man is a failure who has friends.”
Mary – “Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for.”
George – “You’re wonderful … wonderful.”
Deck the Halls Quotes (2006)
Iconic actors Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito star as the stubborn Christmas rival neighbors in Deck the Halls. A battle for who’s house will have the best lights and, as you can see from the first listed Chrsitmas movie quotes in this silly film, be seen from space!
“I want my house to be seen from space!”
“Who moves in the middle of the night, a meth lab?”
Kelly – “What is your favorite Christmas memory?”
Steve – “You know what it is.”
Kelly – “Tell me.”
Steve – “I was 7, my dad and I moved to Alabama, and Christmas morning we ate on the floor, ate French fries and drank chocolate milk.”
Kelly – “That’s what Christmas memories are made from, they’re not planned, they’re not scheduled, nobody puts them in their Blackberry, they just happen.”
“This is the most clothes they have worn in years!”
“Honey, the girls are having a great time showing everybody the lights. I pray to God that’s the only thing they’re showing.”
Tia – “I used to do a bit of modeling, mainly for college classes. That’s how I met Buddy.”
Kelly – “Oh, was he a professor?”
Tia – “No, he was the one they caught peeping in the windows.”
“I pray every day for the strength to not run them over with the truck.”
Mrs. Ryor – “I don’t need glasses!”
Steve – “You need binoculars, but we’re settling for glasses.”
Christmas with the Kranks Quotes from the Movie (2004)
The Kranks are skipping Christmas in this goofy holiday hit, Christmas with the Kranks, but you won’t want to skip out on reading these funny Christmas movie quotes!
“You’re skipping Christmas! Isn’t that against the law?”
“Alright Frosty’s dead.”
Blair Krank – “I’m bringing home Enriqué!”
Luther Krank – “What’s a reeké?”
“Well, if it isn’t old Scrooge himself.”
Luther Krank – “At least you’re consistent.”
Walt – “I try to be, old man.”
Luther Krank – “Stop that!”
Walt – “Stop what?”
Luther Krank – “Stop calling me old man! You’re like 10 years older than me!”
“Nora Krank, we’re here for Frosty!”
Nora Krank – “You forgot the white chocolate!”
Luther Krank – “They didn’t have any.”
Nora Krank – “Did you talk to Rex?”
Luther Krank – “Who’s Rex?”
Nora Krank – “The butcher.”
Luther Krank – “As odd as it sounds, I didn’t think to ask the butcher where the chocolate was!”
“I look like a Mafia Lieutenant.”
Luther Krank – “What happened to the hickory honey ham?”
Nora Krank – “Don’t ever say hickory honey ham again.”
Walt – “Does this mean we have start being nice to each other?”
Luther Krank – “Of course not.”
Walt – “Good, cause I still don’t like you that much.”
Luther Krank – “Well, that’s great. I’m not fond of you either.”
Happiest Season Movie Quotes (2020)
A dysfunctional family, a hidden secret, and true love walk into the holidays … and look at that, they brought hilariously and touching Christmas movie quotes with them! Happiest Season is delightfully played by a rockstar cast, hits on the hard truths of recent times, and is one progressive holiday film.
Abby – “I understand that this is really old-fashioned, but I want to ask her dad for his blessing and propose on Christmas morning.”
John – “I’m sorry, ask her dad for his blessing? Way to stick it to the patriarchy! Really well done.”
“My parents loved Christmas. We would do all the stuff. We would decorate and do the tree and watch, like, every Christmas movie. After they died, I couldn’t really bring myself to acknowledge Christmas.”
Riley – “What are you drinking?”
Abby – “Oh it’s a spiced … alcohol.”
Riley – “Gross, can I have some?”
Abby – “Yeah.”
“Okay, I nailed that and she is fabulous.”
Abby – “You’re room’s in the basement?”
Jane – “Oh, yeah. I had night terrors. They put me down here so I wouldn’t wake everyone up.”
“It’s about building a life with her. She is my person and I really want everyone to know that.”
Abby – “What are you doing on your phone?”
John – “I’m sorry, I left a gentleman alone in my apartment so I’m tracking him to make sure he leaves.”
Abby – “You’re tracking him?”
John – “Yeah, I track everybody. If the NSA can do it, so can I.”
“We have been so worried about seeming perfect, but maybe we don’t even know what perfect is.”
“I am something! And guess what. I like myself! And maybe you all don’t because I’m not fancy. But whether you like it or not, I’m a part of this family, and I will not be left out anymore!”
Abby – “You can be totally honest with me. Like, about anything. Seriously. I can take it.”
Harper – “Okay. Then you should know that it is very difficult to sit next to you at dinner and not be able to kiss you.”
“I know! I just, please let me say this. You are my family! You are the love of my life. I was terrible and I wish that I could undo everything, but I promise you I will make it up to you. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, and I won’t hurt you like this again. But please, give me another chance. I want to build a life with you. Please?”
John – “You deserve to be with someone who shouts their love for you from the rooftops!”
Abby – “That’s very sweet.”
John – “So stop being a doormat, you fool.”
“Yeah, so, the thing that I can relate to is being in love with somebody that is too afraid to show the world who they are.”
Abby – “You think they like me as much as they love Connor?”
Harper – “Oh no. No, no, but they don’t even really like me that much so … I love you.”
Abby – “I love you.”
Abby – “It’s not so bad! It’s kind of fun having a secret.”
John – “Yeah, I mean, there’s nothing more erotic than concealing your authentic selves!”
“I’m not shaming you. I just think that the choice you’re making is dumb and you should feel bad about it, and yourself.”
Harper – “Abby!”
Abby – “How did you even…”
Harper – “I tracked you. John taught me.”
Edward Scissorhands Quotes (1990)
Now here’s a movie that has a passport to both Halloween and Christmas, the 90s classic, Edward Scissorhands. Tim Burton definitely has a particular aesthetic when it comes to his films, and his beloved Edward Scissorhands is still renowned to this day for its angst, Christmas movie quotes, and individuality. And, but of course, Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder knocked it out of the park!
Kim – “Snuggle in, sweetie. It’s cold out there.”
Granddaughter – “Why is it snowing Grandma? Where does it come from?”
Kim – “Oh, that’s a long story, sweetheart.”
Kim – “Hold me.”
Edward – “I can’t.”
“Sweetheart, you can’t buy the necessities of life with cookies.”
Edward – “Kevin, you wanna play scissors, paper, stone again?”
Kevin – “No!”
Edward – “Why not?”
Kevin – “‘Cause it’s boring, I always win!”
“That was the single most thrilling experience of my entire life.”
“I’m as harmless as cherry pie.”
Kim – “You’re here… They didn’t hurt you, did they?”
Edward – [shakes his head “no”]
Kim – “Were you scared? I tried to make Jim go back, but, you can’t make Jim do anything. Thank you for not telling them that we…”
Edward – “You’re welcome.”
Kim – “It must have been awful when they told you whose house it was.”
Edward – “I knew it was Jim’s house.”
Kim – “You… you did?”
Edward – “Yes.”
Kim – “…Well, then why’d you do it?”
Edward – “Because you asked me to.”
“No matter what, Edward will always be special.”
Bill – “So Edward, did you have a productive day?”
Edward – “Mrs. Monroe showed me where the salon’s going to be. You could have a cosmetics counter.”
Peg – “Oh, wouldn’t that be great!”
Bill – “Great.”
Edward – “And then she showed me the back room where she took all of her clothes off.”
Edward – “Goodbye.”
Kim – “I love you.”
“I’m not finished.”
Peg – “Are you alone? Do you live up here all by yourself? What happened to your face? No, I won’t hurt you. But at the very least, let me give you a good astringent. And this will help to prevent infection. What’s your name?”
Edward – “Edward.”
Peg – “Edward … I think you should just come home with me.”
“I’d give my left nut to see that again.”
Kim – “She never saw him again. Not after that night.”
Granddaughter – “How do you know?”
Kim – “Because I was there.”
Granddaughter – “You could have gone up there. You could still go.”
Kim – “No, sweetheart. I’m an old woman now. I would rather he remember me the way I was.”
Granddaughter – “How do you know he’s still alive?”
Kim – “I don’t know, not for sure. But I believe he is. You see, before he came down here, it never snowed. And afterwards, it did. If he weren’t up there now…I don’t think it would be snowing. Sometimes, you can still catch me dancing in it.”
Ernest Saves Christmas Movie Quotes (1988)
Do you like a little goofiness during your holidays? Get a sleigh load of these silly off-beat Christmas movie quotes from Ernest Saves Christmas. An 80s story about one goofy fellow, Ernest P. Worrell jumps through all kinds of wild ridiculous hoops, to save Christmas.
Harmony Star – “There’s no such thing! Think about it: a guy who flies around the whole world in one night. It just doesn’t quite correspond to the laws of time and travel.”
Ernest P Worell – “Now, now, now, now, now, it’s possible. You take the International Date Line, multiply it by the Time Zones, divided by the accelerated rotation of the earth – uh, carry the 1, and, uh, allowing for the Vernal Equinox on the Tropic of Cancer, he might just pull it off.”
“His name is Santa Claus! That’s it. Yuck it up. He happens to be a close, personal friend of mine. Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah. Fifth graders think they know everything.”
“I have lived my life in the fast lane.”
Animal Officer 1 – “Oh flying reindeer. Um, that’s not us. You want air traffic control.”
Animal Officer 2 – “Uh yeah air traffic control.”
“You know, I don’t tell many people this, but Christmas is just about my favorite time. Ever since I was a little kid, I always felt like it was my own personal holiday.”
“Trust people. It pays off more often that you think.”
“The name is Santa Claus!”
“Harmony Star – “Hey, Ernest, how did it go?”
Ernest P Worell – “It worked great. Victory is at hand. Now we have to move onto what I like to call Plan B.”
“I mean, Vern, it’s not like the cab company can’t afford to give out a free ride. After all, it is Christmas; the time for chestnuts opening on a roasting fire.”
“It’s rare to meet someone with such Christmas spirit.”
“Hey! Listen, I gotta get these reindeer down to the children’s museumm, like, five minutes ago.”
“Santa’s in the slammer! We gotta get him out! Is vagrancy a capital crime?”
“Ahh, smell those Christmas trees. You can keep your ‘Channel’ Number 5, just give me a whiff of the old lonesome pine. That symbol of brotherly love, that centerpiece that all mankind gathers around to share the cranberry sauce shaped like a can.”
“Call it – Uh, a fifth sense. Call it a flash of intermission, but I just got this feeling deep down in the heart of my bottom.”
“Is this the way government really works?”
“I am one with the Yuletide, know what I mean?”
“No, there’s only one person authorized to operate this sack. His big, red, oneness: The Claus.”
Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas – Quotes from the Movie (1999)
Who can’t use a little Disney love and magic during the holidays? This collection of Christmas stories and Christmas movie quotes from classic Disney favorites such as Mickey, Minnie, Donald Duck, and Goofy is the perfect and cozy movie night to get the family in the holiday spirit. From timeless Christmas lessons to silly goofy moments, enjoy the Disney fun!
Minnie Mouse – “Oh, Mickey! I can’t believe you gave up what means the most to you for me.”
Mickey Mouse – “Oh, Minnie. You’re all the music I’ll ever need.”
“Gawrsh! Christmas magic, I guess.”
Dale – “Whoo-whoo!”
Chip – “All aboard! Next stop, Waterville!”
“Why, even a broken clock’s right two or three times a day, and this time, I’m right!”
“Where are my boys? Where are my kisses? Ooh, I could just eat you up!”
“That’ll put the Spirit of Christmas in ya!”
Young Max Goof – “Hey, Dad? Santa didn’t forget your present, did he?”
Goofy – “Every year, I always ask for the same thing, and every year, I get it.”
Young Max Goof – “Really? What’s that?”
Goofy – “Your happiness.”
Young Max Goof – “Uh oh.”
Goofy – “What is it Max?”
Young Max Goof – “I got the same thing from you.”
“Aw, Mickey! When you play your harmonica, my heart sings!”
“Hark, the hairy angels sing!”
“Deck the walls with cows and collies!”
“It looks like we’re going to have a white Christmas after all!”
“Yeah, and I eat any more turkey, I’m gonna need new clothes!”
Goofy – “Why, lookie here. It’s your ol’ stuffed bear. ‘Member what you named him?”
Young Max Goof – “Old stuffed bear.”
Fella – “You and that harmonica sure make a great team.”
Mickey Mouse – “Yup. She’s worth her weight in gold, all right!”
“Of course there’s a Santy. Otherwise, we’d have a lot of jobless elves running around.”
Young Max Goof – “Did you know that there are over two billion children in the world?”
Goofy – “No wonder I keep trippin’ over roller skates.”
“One time a year there’s a marvelous night, when enchantment and wonder spark and take flight. Each home fills with joy on this grand holiday, with hearts growing warm in a magical way. The rooms are all covered with garlands and wreaths. The mantle is ready, with stockings beneath. Lights twinkle and glow and bells brightly chime. The moment’s arrived! It’s here! Christmas time.”
Muppet Christmas Carol Quotes (1992)
Leave it to The Muppets to bring the genius of Charles Dickens to life with this hilarious and talented retelling of a Muppet Christmas Carol. With Gonzo and Rizzo the Rat as the audience’s trusty narrators, you can only imagine the Christmas movie quotes that lay ahead!
Gonzo – “Hello! Welcome to the Muppet Christmas Carol! I am here to tell the story.”
Rizzo the Rat – “And I am here for the food.”
Gonzo – “My name is Charles Dickens.”
Rizzo the Rat – “And my name is Rizzo the Rat… wait a second! You’re not Charles Dickens!”
Gonzo – “I am too!”
Rizzo the Rat – “No! A blue furry Charles Dickens who hangs out with a rat?”
Gonzo – “Absolutely!”
Rizzo the Rat – “Charles Dickens was a 19th Century novelist! A genius!”
Gonzo – “Oh you are too kind!”
Rizzo the Rat – “Why should I believe you?”
Gonzo – “Well, because I know the story of A Christmas Carol like the back of my hand!”
Rizzo the Rat – “Prove it!”
Gonzo – “All right! Um, there’s a little mole on my thumb, and um, a scar on my wrist from when I fell off my bike…”
Rizzo the Rat – “No no no no…don’t tell us about your hand. Tell us the story!”
“You will be haunted by three spirits.”
“Mother always taught me: Never eat singing food.”
Ebenezer Scrooge – “Let us deal with the eviction notices for tomorrow, Mr. Cratchit.”
Kermit the Frog – “Uh, tomorrow’s Christmas, sir.”
Ebenezer Scrooge – “Very well. You may gift wrap them.”
“Christmas is a very busy time for us, Mr. Cratchit. People preparing feasts, giving parties, spending the mortgage money on frivolities. One might say that December is the foreclosure season. Harvest time for the money-lenders.”
Rizzo the Rat – “I fell down the chimney and landed on a flaming hot goose!”
Gonzo – “You have all the fun!”
Sam the Eagle – “You will love business. It is the American way!”
Gonzo – “Uh, Sam? It’s just that the story takes place in England.”
Sam the Eagle – “Oh – It is the British way!”
“I will honor Christmas, and try to keep it all the year! I will live my life in the past, the present, and the future. I will not shut out the lessons the spirits have taught me!”
Ebenezer Scrooge – “I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody like you before.”
Ghost of Christmas Present – “Really? Over 1800 of my brothers have come before me!”
Ebenezer Scrooge – “1800? Imagine the grocery bills!”
“Light the lamp, not the rat, light the lamp, not the rat! Put me out, put me out, put me out!”
Rizzo the Rat – “There are two things in this life I hate: heights, and jumping from them.”
Gonzo – “Too late now. Come on, I’ll catch you.”
Rizzo the Rat – “God save my little broken body!”
“Leave comedy to the bears, Ebenezer.”
Rat 1 – “We can’t do the bookkeeping, all our pens have turned to inkcicles!”
Rat 2 – “Our assets are frozen!”
“These events can be changed! A life can be made right.”
Ebenezer Scrooge – “You’re a little absent-minded, spirit.”
Ghost of Christmas Present – “No, I’m a LARGE absent-minded spirit!”
“It was the afternoon of Christmas Eve and Scrooge was conscious of a thousand odors, each one connected with a thousand thoughts and hopes and joys and cares long, long forgotten.”
Jacob Marley – “That was the speech?”
Robert Marley – “It was dumb!”
Jacob Marley – “It was obvious!”
Robert Marley – “It was pointless!”
Jacob Marley – “It was – short!”
Both – “I loved it!”
“If I could work my will, every idiot who goes around with “Merry Christmas” on his lips would be cooked with his own turkey and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!”
“Go forth, and know him better, man.”
Rizzo the Rat – “Oh, what was that?”
Gonzo – “2 o’clock.”
Rizzo the Rat – “Is it too early for breakfast?”
Gonzo – “Yes.”
Rizzo the Rat – “Oh good, suppertime!”
“It’s all right, children. Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it. I am sure that we shall never forget Tiny Tim, or this first parting that there was among us.”
Rizzo the Rat – “Boy, that’s scary stuff! Should we be worried about the kids in the audience?”
Gonzo – “Nah, it’s all right, this is culture!”
“Have you ever noticed that everything seems wonderful at Christmas?”
Rizzo the Rat – “Nice story, Mr. Dickens.”
Gonzo – “Oh, thanks. If you like this, you should read the book!”
A Christmas Story Quotes (1983)
A tradition amongst families everywhere on Christmas day, and full of some of the most iconic Christmas movie quotes to chime out during the holiday season, behold A Christmas Story. We’ll bet you’ll be playing the scenes in your head while reading along, and even read some of the Christmas movie quotes in the narrator’s voice!
“Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.”
The Old Man – “Aaah! Fra-GEE-leh! It must be Italian!”
Mother – “Uh, I think that says FRAGILE, honey.”
“Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.”
The Old Man – “He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.”
Mother – “He does not!”
The Old Man – “He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare!”
“You’ll shoot your eye out!”
“Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word! It was all over – I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child’s play compared to what surely awaited me.”
“Mommy’s little piggy!”
“Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.”
“I can’t put my arms down!”
“Well I double-DOG-dare ya!”
The Old Man – “Don’t you touch that! You were always jealous of this lamp.”
Mother – “Jealous of a plastic…”
The Old Man – “Jealous! Jealous because I won.”
Mother – “That’s ridiculous. Jealous. Jealous of what? That is the ugliest lamp I have ever seen in my entire life!“
“Daddy’s gonna kill Ralphie!”
“With as much dignity as he could muster, the Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered Major Award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of “Taps” being played, gently.”
“Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a b*tch!”
“Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.”
“It …it was…soap poisoning!”
The Old Man – “What is the name of the Lone Ranger’s nephew’s horse?”
Mother – “Ah, Victor! His name is Victor.”
The Old Man – “How the hell did you know that?”
Mother – “Everybody knows that!”
“You wart mundane noodle!”
“Oh! The theme I’ve been waiting for all my life. Listen to this sentence: “A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time”. Poetry. Sheer poetry, Ralph! An A+!”
“Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue steel beauty. The greatest Christmas gift I had ever received, or would ever receive. Gradually, I drifted off to sleep, pranging ducks on the wing and getting off spectacular hip shots.”
Die Hard Quotes (1988)
The debate that has lurked in the depths of Christmas since 1988: Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? To people all over, it is considered a Christmas movie by the fact that it takes place on Christmas Eve. Plus, the main character is trying to get back to his family for Christmas (while, of course, some big action stuff is going down), and isn’t that a major Christmas trope in itself? To add even more to the case, this character’s wife’s name is Holly: Have a holly jolly Christmas, anyone?
Alas, on the flip side, the star of Die Hard disagrees. As he has publicly announced that he does not think it should be categorized as a Christmas movie; it is purely a Bruce Willis action movie.
But just as most Christmas movies share that you should follow your heart, if you love watching Die Hard around the holidays…you do you, boo! And for the sake of the debate, we’ll count these Die Hard quotes as Christmas movie quotes. Let’s dive in!
“Welcome to the party, pal.”
Argyle – “Hey, that’ll work.”
John McClane – “Don’t you got any Christmas music?”
Argyle – “This is Christmas music!”
John McClane – “Was always kinda partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really like those sequined shirts.”
Hans Gruber – “Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?”
John McClane – “Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er.”
“All right, listen up guys. ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except … the four a**holes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation.”
John McClane – “Is the building on fire?”
Sergeant Al Powell – “No, but it’s gonna need a paint job and a shit load of screen doors.”
“But, all things being equal, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”
“Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.”
Holly Gennero McClane – “After all your posturing, all your little speeches, you’re nothing but a common thief.”
Hans Gruber – “I am an exceptional thief, Mrs. McClane. And since I’m moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite.”
“Who’s driving this car, Stevie Wonder?”
“Hey, sprechen ze talk?”
“Geronimo, Motherf***er!”
Supervisor – “Attention, whoever you are, this channel is reserved for emergency calls only.”
John McClane – “No f***ing sh*t, lady! Does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?”
“Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.”
Hans Gruber – “This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.”
John McClane – “That was Gary Cooper, asshole.”
“Hey babe, I negotiate million dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.”
“We’re gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.”
Sergeant Al Powell – “Hey Roy, how you feeling?”
John McClane – “Pretty f***in’ unappreciated, Al.”
“Happy trails, Hans.”
We hope you enjoyed reading through these magical, whimsical, touching, hilarious, and downright wacky Christmas movie quotes. If there’s something we can take away from these quotes, it’s that the spirit of Christmas lives within each of us, and there is always something to celebrate. Happy Holidays!