50+ Super Funny Jokes About Dogs

People love their dogs, dogs love their people. And people love jokes involving those lovable mutts. Here’s a hilarious collection of jokes about dogs for you to share with your fellow pooch-lovers.

Woman holding two puppies laughing at funny dog jokes

Dog Jokes for Adults

  • Where do dogs hate to shop?
    Flea markets.
  • What did the dog’s mom tell him when he wanted a snack before dinner?
    Now, don’t go filling up on homework!
  • How does a dog find his place in a book?
    He dog-ears the pages.
  • What’s a smutt?
    A dog that tells dirty jokes.
  • What do you call a dog from up north that’s always pregnant?
    An Alaskan Hussy.
  • Did you know you need a license for a dog, but not for a cat?
    Yeah, because cat’s can’t drive.
  • What’s worse in the city than raining cats & dogs?
    Hailing taxis.
  • In which state did Arnold Schwarzenegger get his first dog?
    Colliefornia
  • Why are dogs good at baseball?
    Because they always get walked.
  • Do dogs like the Lord of the Rings Movies?
    Nah, they prefer Harry Pawter.
  • Why did the man take his dog to a watch repair shop?
    It had ticks!

Jokes about Dogs for Kids

  • What kind of dog can tell time?
    A watch dog!
  • What type of dog is always cold?
    A chilli dog!
  • Which dog loves taking a bath most?
    A shampoodle!
  • Which type of dog would a vampire have?
    A bloodhound!
  • Which dogs can jump higher than a house?
    All dogs! Houses can’t jump.
  • If a dog gets super cold, what do you call it?
    A pupscicle!
  • How do you get your dog to stop barking in the back seat of your car on a long drive?
    Move him up front.
  • Why did the man make his dog waffles?
    Because dogs can’t cook!
  • What kind of dog only chases red things?
  • A bull-dog!
  • What has 2,000 eyes and 4,000 legs?
    A thousand dogs!
  • What’s another name for an old dog?
    Grandpaw.

One Liner Dog Jokes

  • A little kid sees a police K9 car, points to the dog in the back, and asks the officer…”what did he do wrong?”
  • If dogs could read their favorite type of word would be a conjunction…because they love butts.
  • An old woman asked her husband why he taped a calculator to their dog and he replied, “I wanted a best friend I could count on.”
  • I threw a football and my dog caught it in mid-air…he’s a golden receiver.
  • My dog is as lazy as a vegetable…he’s a collie-flower.
  • Sally has a dog with no legs and no name, when asked why she didn’t give it a name she said, “Why bother? It won’t come when I call it anyway.”
  • My dog is the best, he goes outside and brings in the newspaper every morning…problem is, I don’t have a subscription.
  • Two city fleas were sitting in the park and wanted to head uptown, one turned to the other and said, “should we walk, or just catch a dog?”
  • The teacher’s dog started chewing on her dictionary, so she tool the words right out of his mouth.
  • A man without a lot of money saw his dog chasing his tail and said, “you’re right boy, we should just try to make ends meet.”
  • It was time to feed the dog and my husband asked, “have you seen the dog bowl?” I replied, “No. What’s his average?”
  • I got myself a new watch dog. His name is Rolex.
  • My dog can talk…every time she licks a tree she says, “ruff bark.”
  • One athletic dog asked another, “do you want to play some football?” The other dog replied, “No thanks, I’m a boxer.”

Knock Knock Dog Jokes

Pug puppy laughing

Bad Dog Jokes

  • Do you know why dogs are such bad dancers?
    They have two left feet, of course!
  • How is a tree different than a dog?
    The tree’s bark isn’t as loud.
  • What’s the name of the all-dog Beatles Tribute band from Australia?
    Dingo Starr.
  • Dachshunds always prefer to sit in the shade, do you know why?
    Because they’re hot dogs!
  • Why did the cop give the pregnant dog a ticket?
    She was littering.
  • What did the dog say when the carpenter dropped her sandpaper?
    “That’s ruff.”
  • Why did the injured dog go to the mall when he lost his tail?
    He needed to visit a re-tail store.
  • What happened every time Sean Connery told his dog to sit?
    It pooped on command.

Dog puns

  • What do dogs and cell phones have in common?
    They both have collar ID.
  • What do you call a herding dog holding a daisy?
    A collie-flower.
  • Why did the big dog lay right next to the speaker?
    Because he wanted to be a woofer.
  • Did you hear about the hungry scientist that tried to cross a dog and a chicken?
    He wanted to get a pooched egg.
  • What does a dog do when it needs to take a quick break from the TV?
    He hits the paws button on the remote.
  • Why are all dog owners optimistic?
    When you have a dog, anything is pawsible.
  • Why do racing greyhounds look a little funny?
    Because they’re always having a bad hare day.
  • What did the dog say when asked, “how’s life?”
    Ruff.
  • What do you call a dog that wants to design his own dog house?
    A barkitect.
  • What does a dog get when it graduates obedience school?
    A pet-degree.

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