50+ Super Funny Jokes About Dogs

People love their dogs, dogs love their people. And people love jokes involving those lovable mutts. Here’s a hilarious collection of jokes about dogs for you to share with your fellow pooch-lovers.

Woman holding two puppies laughing at funny dog jokes

In this article

Dog Jokes for Adults

Where do dogs hate to shop?
Flea markets.
What did the dog’s mom tell him when he wanted a snack before dinner?
Now, don’t go filling up on homework!
How does a dog find his place in a book?
He dog-ears the pages.
What’s a smutt?
A dog that tells dirty jokes.
What do you call a dog from up north that’s always pregnant?
An Alaskan Hussy.
Did you know you need a license for a dog, but not for a cat?
Yeah, because cat’s can’t drive.
What’s worse in the city than raining cats & dogs?
Hailing taxis.
In which state did Arnold Schwarzenegger get his first dog?
Colliefornia
Why are dogs good at baseball?
Because they always get walked.
Do dogs like the Lord of the Rings Movies?
Nah, they prefer Harry Pawter.
Why did the man take his dog to a watch repair shop?
It had ticks!

Jokes about Dogs for Kids

What kind of dog can tell time?
A watch dog!
What type of dog is always cold?
A chilli dog!
Which dog loves taking a bath most?
A shampoodle!
Which type of dog would a vampire have?
A bloodhound!
Which dogs can jump higher than a house?
All dogs! Houses can’t jump.
If a dog gets super cold, what do you call it?
A pupscicle!
How do you get your dog to stop barking in the back seat of your car on a long drive?
Move him up front.
Why did the man make his dog waffles?
Because dogs can’t cook!
What kind of dog only chases red things?
A bull-dog!
What has 2,000 eyes and 4,000 legs?
A thousand dogs!
What’s another name for an old dog?
Grandpaw.

One Liner Dog Jokes

A little kid sees a police K9 car, points to the dog in the back, and asks the officer…”what did he do wrong?”
If dogs could read their favorite type of word would be a conjunction…because they love butts.
An old woman asked her husband why he taped a calculator to their dog and he replied, “I wanted a best friend I could count on.”
I threw a football and my dog caught it in mid-air…he’s a golden receiver.
My dog is as lazy as a vegetable…he’s a collie-flower.
Sally has a dog with no legs and no name, when asked why she didn’t give it a name she said, “Why bother? It won’t come when I call it anyway.”
My dog is the best, he goes outside and brings in the newspaper every morning…problem is, I don’t have a subscription.
Two city fleas were sitting in the park and wanted to head uptown, one turned to the other and said, “should we walk, or just catch a dog?”
The teacher’s dog started chewing on her dictionary, so she tool the words right out of his mouth.
A man without a lot of money saw his dog chasing his tail and said, “you’re right boy, we should just try to make ends meet.”
It was time to feed the dog and my husband asked, “have you seen the dog bowl?” I replied, “No. What’s his average?”
I got myself a new watch dog. His name is Rolex.
My dog can talk…every time she licks a tree she says, “ruff bark.”
One athletic dog asked another, “do you want to play some football?” The other dog replied, “No thanks, I’m a boxer.”

Knock Knock Dog Jokes

Bad Dog Jokes

Do you know why dogs are such bad dancers?
They have two left feet, of course!
How is a tree different than a dog?
The tree’s bark isn’t as loud.
What’s the name of the all-dog Beatles Tribute band from Australia?
Dingo Starr.
Dachshunds always prefer to sit in the shade, do you know why?
Because they’re hot dogs!
Why did the cop give the pregnant dog a ticket?
She was littering.
What did the dog say when the carpenter dropped her sandpaper?
“That’s ruff.”
Why did the injured dog go to the mall when he lost his tail?
He needed to visit a re-tail store.
What happened every time Sean Connery told his dog to sit?
It pooped on command.

Dog puns

What do dogs and cell phones have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do you call a herding dog holding a daisy?
A collie-flower.
Why did the big dog lay right next to the speaker?
Because he wanted to be a woofer.
Did you hear about the hungry scientist that tried to cross a dog and a chicken?
He wanted to get a pooched egg.
What does a dog do when it needs to take a quick break from the TV?
He hits the paws button on the remote.
Why are all dog owners optimistic?
When you have a dog, anything is pawsible.
Why do racing greyhounds look a little funny?
Because they’re always having a bad hare day.
What did the dog say when asked, “how’s life?”
Ruff.
What do you call a dog that wants to design his own dog house?
A barkitect.
What does a dog get when it graduates obedience school?
A pet-degree.